Life Update 1/21/09 · 10.01.21, 6:55pm
Since moving to Philadelphia, the following events have occurred:
1. I built a desk, dresser (OMG), bookshelf, and set of three rolling drawers from IKEA. By myself <3
2. Got lost my first time because I had no idea what a trolley stop was supposed to look like. They’re basically marked by green stickers on street poles.
3. I found my way to the not-anywhere-as-cool-as-Publix grocery store, Supreme/Shop ‘n Bag & stupidly purchased orange juice and soy milk at the same time, along with 2 cans and various other small items that I then had to lug home for a little over a mile. I thought my bag was going to bust open!
4. Got hit on by a creepy man on my way to said grocery store. “Hello, Gorgeous.” I didn’t even know how to respond; I walked faster.
5. Realized I cannot rely on my cards everywhere to pay for things anymore. WHY IS SO MUCH STUFF CASH ONLY? I barely scraped by a few times.
6. Had my first trial-by-fire at work when I stopped by their big MLK Service Event on Monday. I met some wonderful volunteers who gave me hugs even though they barely knew me, played every song I have memorized on the piano during their lunch, and met many many people whose names I am struggling to remember. I think my success rate is about 75%. I also made a huge pot of chicken noodle soup, and helped them find trash bags. My service year will have a variety of interesting experiences :)
7. AS I AM WRITING THIS: Water has begun dripping slowly from my bedroom ceiling. WTF! Right into my trash can!
8. I got a viet sub from a convenience store two blocks from my house and ate it outside in Clark Park, which was just a few more blocks down. MISTAKE. It was a good sub, yes, but it was SO COLD OUTSIDE by the time I was done my hands were like ice blocks.
9. Discovered that there is a plethora of ethnic food offerings in the area near my house: Indian, Vietnamese, Nigerian? haha
Even the vietnamese convenience store carried: Seventh Generation & Mrs. Meyers cleaning products, tempeh, tofu, fresh vegetables, stouffer’s frozen meals, yeo’s soy milk, naked juice, butter, kinder chocolate, and pocky. Kind of awesome! They had viet and regular hoagies too. :)
10. Fell in love with my work location: South Broad Street, on the Avenue of the Arts. I pass by at least 4 theaters and the University of the Arts on my walk from City Hall. Lots of hipsters here, btw.
11. Went shopping on Walnut around 17-15th streets. GREAT SHOPPING. I went today after shadowing at work, and on that street there is already an H&M, Urban Outfitters, Zara, the North Face, and various other good shops. Running stores too, hmm.
12. Said good morning to my immediate neighbor many times. I think he just hangs out on the porch. He’s a senior too. Gosh, I’m just surrounded by old people!
13. Experienced my housemate Hannah’s DIVINE chocolate scones. They are a revelation, and I hope she doesn’t make them too often or my workouts will go to waste.
14. Found out about the mice in the house and the raccoons living between the 2nd & 3rd floors. Luckily not above where my room is. Let’s just say I’m going to be really loud if I ever need to use the potty in the middle of the night, or the kitchen too early in the morning.
15. Spent 2 days shadowing at the work place in addition to MLK day. I’m going in tomorrow as well. Am slowly absorbing the giant mass of random information being thrown at me.
16. Found a studio 4 blocks away with cheap yoga & pilates classes.
17. Discovered a cheap food co-op that I can automatically qualify to shop at once I get food stamps. SWEET.
18. Started waking up at 6:30AM in the morning. Slowly working my way to 6:00AM. I’m going to be keeping grandma hours, folks!
19. Realized I will easily get obese at work because the staff love food, especially fattening food, and my supervisor especially is a foodie. Oh my. MUST RESIST.
20. Have yet to eat a cheesesteak. Not really feeling like beef right now & when I cooked dinner on Monday it was to last me the week. But I’m going to a Brazilian steakhouse called Fogo de Chao next Tuesday so that’ll be enough beef to make up for…forever?
21. Saw dear Carlos <3 for about an hour <3
22. Caught up with Ashley Gunn at the Green Line Cafe. She only lives like 5 blocks away from me, awesome!
23. Got to know my roommates, who are really great! They’re all so friendly and sweet!
24. Experienced Famous Dave’s courtesy of my family. I like Sonny’s better.
Come visit me <3 and we shall play~
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New Year's Resolutions · 10.01.17, 12:06am
1. To have more patience for the people who have frustrating habits.
2. To eat less candy.
3. To become a more generous listener.
A little late, but I couldn’t log in on my laptop for some reason. :)
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28 Things & People I'm Thankful For · 09.11.23, 8:54pm
Because I’m procrastinating and need to get this out of my system.
& because I am graduating in about 25 days, and this realization has made me reflect over my life for the past 3.5 years. :)
28 is a random number, and there are so many more things I could write about, and really I listed more than 28 individual things. =P
in no particular order:
1. My family, for being so supportive of me even though they don’t understand most of the things I do/want to do. There really isn’t much more I can say, but I am blessed.
2. Eeyore, who I purchased in Disney Land in Spring Break of 09. For bringing back fond memories with every hug, and being so soft and cuddly at night.
3. For Food Politics and Dr. Scher, for opening my eyes to the issues and problems that are interconnected with the food industry, and for helping me to reflect on my Thanksgiving meal in a whole new way.
4. UF Carillon Studio, for being the part of my week that I never avoid, always look forward too, and never fail to have fun in.
5. Century Tower, for kicking my ass into shape with every climb and hilarious memories like the cockroach & wood cleaner incident or getting stuck in darkness for a few seconds that felt too long while on the 8th floor. & the view of UF Campus from the top of Century Tower, where all the bells are hung. For renewing my love of my campus and taking my breath away.
6. CASA Traditional Dance & fellow Dancers. Good times, ya’ll :)
7. My best friend since the 5th grade, Jennifer Lee—for all that we’ve been through, and for offering a fresh perspective on the happenings of my life, and for having unfailing confidence in me no matter what I do.
8. Tiger (you get my lucky number), the best dog I could ever love, for the 15-16 beautiful years I had with you, for protecting me, loving me the way only a dog could, for being my most faithful friend a person could have. I love you. RIP
9. Making music, for always bringing joy to my life and for being an outlet for all my emotions. Piano, Carillon, or my recent struggles with Guitar (haha thanks Nghi, I know I’m awful), I love it all. What a gift.
10. My friends of my Summer 2008 internship, need I say more? :) Clara Ng-Quinn, Lovely Umayam, Steven Liang, Carlos Oronce, Mike Mikawa, Olivia Chow, Claire Vergara, Viraj Patel, Nitt Chuenprateep, Trina Tran, Jeany Zhang, Jameson Lam…etc
11. AASU/CASA/La Casita and every other organization that I’ve been involved in. I’m not around anymore, but my experiences outside the classroom have shaped who I am now more than anything. The good memories will always be with me, despite the struggles I encountered and oft overcame.
12. Honesty. For being a part of who I am, and what I value and look for first in a friend.
13. Glee, the best Wednesday night entertainment. ‘nuff said.
14. Brandon Velez, one of the people I laugh the hardest with. I’m so lucky I met you last year, you are RIDICULOUS…-ly amazing. President of the Cirleen fan club, glee-fan extraordinaire, and my sweets dealer.
15. Autumn, my favorite season of the year. My idea of perfect weather.
16. Free Gym, I will miss this when I graduate. The best days are often begun with a good workout. :)
17. All the spices that signal the holidays: cinnamon, nutmeg…ahh I love it. Thanks for delighting my palate <3
18. Clara Ng-Quinn, former fiance. WUB YOU.
19. My bigs: Amy Chow, VJ, Alex Lavigne, Marievic Bulosan, Lisa Ng, Vicky Mei, Klara Cu & pseudo-big Tony Law. I’m a lucky little, and in each of you I found something to admire and nurture in myself.
20. Long Vong, Terry Ngin, Enrique Chan—LET! & Richard Llanton who I feel practically lives there too—For feeding me when I was too tired to feed myself, and in general always being a great crew to be around. & for awesome Lip sessions!
21. the Laws: Lisa, Tony, Phil. :) good laughs, sunshine, and fun in general! as well as Uncle Allen & Daddy Jon. Ya’ll are awesome :D
22. La Casita Crew of 07-08. Shoutouts to Desi, Bianca, Rafael, Frances, Jose, Chantelle…ahh the list goes on. For being a family, and one of the best parts of my college experience.
23. Reid Hall 4th floor, best place to live on campus, IMO! For the laundry runs that took me up and down 4 flights of stairs 7 times, for keeping me in shape through freshman year.
24. MCDA—Tamara, Taketo, Ellen, Desi, & Yuko :) and now Evan too!
25. Other faculty and professors who nurtured my growth: Cirleen dDeBlaere, Malini Schueller, Sharon Austin, Chun-Chung Choi,
26. My littles :) <3
27. Kshama Shah, Sandy Chiu, Leo Escalamado, and other Old-school AASU-ers :)
28. Life.
♥tell me ♥
fear · 09.10.22, 6:01am
fear is everywhere in these times. have you made a choice to risk and thought it brave—only to realize you may fear something else? what choice can be made without fear?
—
If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. – Marcus Aurelius
I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear. -Rosa Parks
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. – Anne Frank
♥tell me ♥
Dear Tiger · 09.10.18, 11:37am
I would first like to say how much I truly and dearly love you. I always wished that I could take you up to school with me and be with you every day, since I knew that you were aging while I was away. It was painful to go home every month and notice the changes in your physical health. The deep luster of your fur fading away, the droop of your head, and the steps of your paws becoming ever slower.
I made mom promise to call me immediately as soon as anything happened to you, because I HAD to be there with you in the end. But in the end, I failed you. I wasn’t there. I was freezing on a mountain in North Carolina, laughing in the snow, with no idea what was wrong. I missed the first phone call from Dad right before I lost signal completely for almost two days. I am so sorry. If I have one real regret, however lame it would sound for breaking a promise to a dog, it is not being able to be with you and say goodbye.
I have only myself to blame. It was so hard to get the onslaught of voicemail and text messages from the rest of the family, a day late, while I was walking through the streets in Asheville, trying and failing to hide my misery from everyone else.
“Tiger hasn’t eaten in two days”
“He keeps trying to hide. He might be dying.”
I think my heart has broken. While I am glad that you no longer have to suffer, and lose your pride in walking with your head tilting to the floor, without the energy to curl the plume of your beautiful chow tail, and without the control of your bowels—I am still so very sorry. I am sorry that I wasn’t there because I know you thought of me. You always got so excited when I came home, jumping around for a bit like a young puppy for a few minutes while you could. I am sorry that you had to suffer with half of your family away.
You are the best friend I have ever had. I still remember when sister and I chose you and Shadow from the litter. We had petty competitions—sister insisting that you were better than Shadow, and I insisting that Shadow was better than you—but in the end I will admit that you have the largest part of my heart. You were here with us longer, and always faithful.
You were so beautiful. Everyone who saw you always thought you were a girl dog because of it. Your coat was so shiny and slightly fluffy without making you puffy. The fur on your head was so especially soft, I always loved to pet you there—even though doing so was always perceived by you to be an invitation for a crazy licking-attack! You always wanted to lick us and show your affection, and we knew it—yelling “no lick!” when you went a bit too far, hehe.
You had such a graceful shape and pointed paws. Your eyes were so intelligent, I knew you understood everything! I remember before you somehow understood when we took pictures of you, so you would immediately sit down very straight and proud and look right at the camera! We never had to chase you around or put the camera on a special setting. “Beautiful dog!” People would exclaim. But dangerous. You were definitely a one-family dog back then. Many a time we had to pull the curious stranger away for fear of them being bit. Despite that, I always knew I was safe with you.
I remember how you used to sleep outside my patio door at night, and it was comforting to me as I was still afraid of the dark. I remember in 8th grade, after a jerk on the bus yelled, “Stupid bitch, go back to China!” at me—I ran through the yard crying to you and the other dogs. No one else was home, but I cried in front of you and you comforted me. You licked my tears away and everything felt okay right then. I remember how little Mimi was the only dog you ever liked other than Shadow—and you used to touch noses with her in passing. It was the sweetest thing.
I remember when we first moved into the big house in Country Estates, and you got so excited that you ran right through the patio screen, busting a huge hole in a panel that wasn’t fixed for a while. You learned your lesson, but it was so funny. I remember the morning when I was eating breakfast and a I noticed you barking, and looked over and up to see a squirrel, frozen while gripping to the roof of the patio with you standing guard below. I thought it had died, petrified with claws still woven through the screen. 10 minutes later, you were barking wildly while chasing the same squirrel through the patio…and it only got away by swimming through the pool! I didn’t even know squirrels could swim.
Even though we got three other dogs while you were still around, we always loved you best. At least I did. Everyone knew you were the boss. When Uno pissed you off one day, you grabbed him in your jaws like he was a puppy and shook him—throwing him away. Although I was worried for Uno, he wasn’t hurt at all—only his pride. You were always the top dog. That’s never changed.
You were so alert. We couldn’t open a string cheese, loaf of bread, or slice of cheese without you hearing us! It was amazing how you could hear it across all distances, and run right over begging for a treat. If we even opened the fridge door, we’d only have to glance over to see you watching us carefully. While sitting was the only trick you ever learned, you utilized it well. Plus you were amazing at catching food in your mouth—major skills.
Back when we used to have that huge yard, I still remember you, Cougar, and Uno waiting for me every day by the fence near the bus stop when I came home from school. Every day without fail, unless it was raining—I know how you hated thunder (the only times you ever hid). I hopped the fence right there every day, making a little droop from the times I brushed the top with my leg..and all of you would jump excitedly around me, bright eyed and tails wagging, running with me up to the patio where I always tried all the many doors to let myself into the house. I don’t know if anyone else in the family knew, but I hardly ever needed a key to enter the house! But again, I never worried about safety because of you.
Tiger, you were free-spirited. You relished that big yard we had, but even then that was never enough. We’ve all lost count of the many times you somehow escaped one yard or another, wandering the neighborhood and marking your territory at will. Even when you were neutered, nothing really changed. Once someone caught you wandering in and out of peoples yards, looking for ours, because all of those townhouses looked the same! You were never so happy as when we had that big yard though—and somehow now I regret every time we had to leash you and limit your space.
Oh, smart dog. Of course you lived such a long, healthy life. It was only in the last year or so that you began to show major signs of aging—and only age had the power to bring you down. When our neighbors threw poisoned rats into our yard because Mimi’s barking pissed them off—you knew better than to go near them. Mimi’s youth and curiosity was her downfall—but you barked to alert us, and you survived. I am so proud of you.
Beautiful, smart, Tiger, Tigger, I miss you more than I ever thought I would. I knew you were aging but I didn’t think about your death if I could. I thought it would jinx you. I always said, “Tiger will live forever,” and somewhere deep in my childish soul I believed it. I feel as though there is a big gaping hole in my heart that no one could ever fill. No dog, no other pet could ever replace you. To attempt it would be a dishonor. I will never forget you, my best friend since the age of 5 or 6. I grew up with you. I reached adulthood with you. You are as much a part of me as my brother or sister, but you’ve also seen parts of me that even they don’t know. In our rarely physically affectionate family, we showered our communal love on you like a favored child. You were more than a dog, or a pet. You ARE family.
Even though I will always miss you, and I know that I won’t heal for a long time, you will always be with us somehow. Right now, I can almost hear you beside me. If only I could give you another massage with my feet, and pretend to rest them on your back again. If only I could reach out and pat the soft, soft fur on your head. This time, I wouldn’t say “No lick.”
The next time I play my Chopin waltz, or that Haydn concerto you especially loved, I am sure I will hear the echo of your howling with the beat, matching my rhythm and pitch with your soulful off-key melody.
♥tell me ♥