when clouds were blue. · 09.06.12, 11:16am
i want to go back to when
the clouds were drawn blue
in a white sky.
when birthdays meant cupcakes in class,
and homework assignments were three sentences long—
with an illustration of stick figures
and orange suns on the side.
when every lesson came with a song,
and along along along we sang
until we would never forget.
i want to go back to when
creativity was praised,
and small achievements were raised high
like stickers on your rainbow sheet,
or laminated stars on the door.
back when grades did not seem to matter
more than parent-teacher conferences,
and you could create a holiday
if you wanted.
with age there came sacrifies,
and before we knew it we gave up recess,
nap time,
and our assigned seats—
thrust into a world where we have to find a seat ourselves—
on crowded bus stops congested with second-hand smoke—
maybe stuffed between two people
who beat you to the windows and aisles—
holding your breath or fighting—
for clear air to breathe.
now no one can pre-plan our lessons,
or ease the pain with simple lyrics to a cheerful song,
and we get more than blue slips for things gone wrong—
and our mother’s signature is no longer needed,
because in real life,
you sign, confirm, and contract
on your own.
♥tell me ♥
failure. · 09.04.20, 11:40pm
why do i always feel as though i am failing?
when will this apprehension roll off my back—
hunched over with thick worries?
will my tense shoulders ever soften
as my muscles loosen?
for months i have strained under this invisible yet—
omnipresent fear.
it is never enough.
and almost every moment of pleasure is regrettable.
it is never enough.
because every positive moment
is counteracted by a double-negative.
if not in my life directly, than another’s life
which affects my own.
all interconnected in this tangled web of
stress and confusion.
relaxation is never an option—
every time i stop to exhale
i am rushed to complete a forgotten task,
as if releasing breath was synonymous with
losing memories.
lists are lost.
appointments forgotten.
and as if my own chaos wasn’t enough—
time slots and schedules are endlessly rearranged.
more time lost to amendments.
will this feeling never cease?
are you ever whole if you are always healing?
♥tell me ♥
you bring out the... · 09.02.01, 5:15am
For Lovely:
you bring out the filipina-asian-chinese-korean-everything-mixed-together-sister in me,
the strength of rhythms half-foreign to me—
you make life more beautiful,
more real to me.
you once said you had insecurity
over the legitimacy
of the way you speak—
your “accent”
which to me only “accents” how extraordinary you are,
with the subtle overtones of a second tongue that is really only barely there.
and who are others to care?
if the smooth tones of your gentle voice
carries the mingling of phonology
they can never achieve?
sister,
you are the you that others can never be,
the originality of your morality, mentality, & spirituality
is a part of your vitality—
and that can never be sub-par.
sister,
please don’t grieve
over feelings that seem difficult to conceive
or question your validity
because i know you speak truth—
deep down under words that didn’t come out “right.”
there is another language within the one we all speak,
where metaphors and similes and insinuations came to be—
and where between-the-lines was born from,
there is more than face value and dictionary definitions—
not just to words,
but to you.
sister,
when words flow from your mouth,
i can see them circulating from your heart.
and words from a heart to heart,
are never lost in translation.
♥tell me ♥
For True Friends · 08.03.28, 10:44pm
You are the foundation for my ideals.
Your words fill my veins with an abiding strength—
so that my blood
pumps wild and fast
through the tangles and weeds of
old hopes and lost faith—
burning them away to ashes that I can rise from with my head high.
Without you
my journey would have been longer, harder
without rest stops or bathroom breaks—
no sighs of relief
or forgiveness for mistakes.
I would not have found my self:
my vision,
my conviction,
or self-respect.
I thank you for understanding that our journey is following the same path,
for both knowing with me,
and knowing me.
and for being proof that the cracks and lies I see aren’t illusions—
but a reality I don’t live alone.
Thank you for seeing the truth—
and being true.
for not letting the obstacles
of oppression, corruption, and ignorance hold you down.
for fighting for your beliefs and holding tight to your integrity—
even when rules or political machines are tearing at your walls:
and I thank you for teaching me to do the same.
Thank you for rocking to MJ even when I’m down and stiff in the passenger seat
for forcing laughs out of me when I’m determined to be angry at the world.
for calling me out when I was being a child,
for eggplant-spatula parmesan,
for pep talks, deep hugs, and soap box spiels.
Thank you for being real,
for defending me to myself and slapping me out of self pity or doubt,
for the car rides and strawberry-mango-avocado lollicups,
for deep-fried falafel and late night power walks,
for long distance phone calls and random med student educations.
Thank you for dragging me through the steps of salsa,
for firehouse subs and free burrito bites
for chinese takeout en masse
and saving me from seas of old paint and tarp square footage.
Thank you for walking into my room and sharing your pulse with me
for laughing because you know we’re alive—
and feeling life is scary and beautiful at the same time.
for being with me, listening,
and most important—
responding back.
for being a reason why I haven’t given up.
for never being fake, and always being honest.
Thank you for being a friend.
———-
Dedicated to: Leo, Marievic, Kevin, Kshama, Sandy Chiu, Sandy Le, Poonam, Frances, and the La Casita Crew
♥tell me [1]♥
glasses · 07.07.26, 6:20pm
i wear my glasses all day
sometimes,
though i don’t need them to get around.
i wonder to myself,
is it because i’m hiding?
or is it with the hope that the world will look at me differently,
or the way i view the world will change.
by making a few things clearer through a lense,
am i forgetting the un-magnified?
even so,
it is easier to focus on those few things,
than to look at every
distorted,
blurred,
and faulty image at once.
♥tell me ♥